WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

“Self -care is never a selfish act but is the only gift I can give others.” Parker Palmer

Any holiday that is celebrated with chocolate,flowers, wine & sappy love songs is a good one to me. And I’ll take all the love I can get…anywhere, anytime. Valentines is usually about romantic love but all love makes us feel good so I’m for more of that. But it seems that we often buy the media idea someone is our “soulmate” and is  somewhere else and then  wonder why we can’t find them. And as is often the case for me, love and other goodies are  right under my nose ….but like most of us, I bought the idea that getting it was someone else’s job, not mine.And that  I  had to wait until Prince  or Princess Charming came along to kiss me awake. I finally did wake up but not till I got an great  present… and is sometimes the way, it did not look like a gift at the time. It was not new or shiny and didn’t cost anything. But it profoundly changed my life and still does. So, dear ones. I want to give this gift to you. It came about when I was taking a counseling course and we were given a homework assignment to write everyday the answers to this  question: ” If I loved myself,I would….”. Well, it seemed like a simple assignment and I smugly assumed that it would be easy to answer. Was I ever wrong about that! When I sat down to do the assignment,I drew a complete blank. I realized that I could “spout ” the lofty words about loving & respecting myself but didn’t have a clue about putting that into action. It was a humbling experience. But if I didn’t know  how to do that, I knew someone who did.My friend Chris was always encouraging,even when I screwed up and gave me lots of “atta girls” as well as many gentle pushes. And I knew she loved me even when she told me truths I didn’t want to hear. I trusted her to have my back. Could I possibly learn to do that for myself? It was a tall order. Suddenly I realized that I had been “looking for love in all the  wrong places”. I kept looking for someone else to love me so I could feel loved…but never thought if I loved myself, I could always count on that. What a relief! And I would not have to sing those corny  country songs about how I was left & lost. Maybe I  am my own “soulmate.” What a radical idea! And it relived me of the burden to try to be a saint and be willing to wait on appreciation  after I was dead and had the plaster statue. Why not start giving it to myself right now?  I saw that I had & still have, lots to learn about this “Lovin” stuff.But is seemed worth it to me to try. What did I have to lose? And I finally  realized  that loving myself was the  extreme opposite of “selfishness”. If fact, it is the most loving thing  I can do for the people in my life. If my own “luv bucket “was full, I would have lots to give away; if it is empty, no one gets any. When I didn’t have enough for everyone, I complained  and blamed. I could not give what I don’t have.Full buckets make for fulfilling lives. At  first,I  found that I had to say  “No” to lots of things that were easy  and shiny quick fixes but left me depleted in the long run.Sorta like junk  food! And also “No”to my personal favorites of procrastinating and pretending;they had seemed like best friends but were more like “Desperate Housewives”! And then an amazing thing happened .Life slowly became easier and more fun. I began to really enjoy the people  in my life and even started to like to spend time just with myself …at least more  of the time.It began to be a good challenge to see what good stuff I  could give myself.It became a way of life. Don’t get  me wrong, I’m still a huge work in progress and I forget to practice self care & self appreciation much of the time….but I do know now that asking that question is an invitation to  much more love in my life. Who doesn’t want that ? So my Valentine gift to you, my lovely friends, is to learn along with me . What’s love got to do with it ?                          EVERYTHING !

 

Introducing the Revolutionary “DUMP DIET”

 

Lose Those Things that Weigh You Down…        More Fun Than Sweating & Spinach                           Dump the D’s     The first step is to Dump things that are energy suckers (not lollipops!) Kicking them to the curb is a great work out . 1. DRAINERS & DOWNERS: Dump those situations, people & media that suck  my energy with “Ain’t it Awful” stories as well as ones that tell me how bad it is in the world.They leave me depressed and down. No wonder my best friends Ben & Jerry have to rescue me. 2. DRAMA: I’m declaring  my life a “No Drama  Zone & I’m becoming a “No Drama Mama” .When I spend too much time on my own or others recurring drama, its like indigestion.Just a repeat of what I  should not have had in the first place & it keeps coming back. No Alka Selzer fixes this. 3. DIFFICULT & DEMANDING: I’m deleting  these “donut holes” of people & situations that  make me take to drink. They promise something good &  look yummy  at first  but deliver only hot air & headaches.  This applies   to things I have bought that  require huge time/energy  to mange or people who do the same.I’ve had enough! A steady diet of these weighs me down & makes me look for the bottle of wine.

Whew! I feel lighter already! Getting the “junk food” out of my life really works! So now I have space for my  New Meal Plan.    My new “Meal Plan” has lots of SOUL food: I’m feeding   my Soul more than my body. I’m looking forward to:*A Breakfast of Champions- reading about and talking to people who are inspiring & making a difference.A great way to start my day. *A Light Lunch of Laughter- I sit down to see “The Daily Show” rerun or read something that is silly. A pause that refreshes. *Dinner Delights- My evening meal will be a savory stew of  friends & loved ones  with lots of juicy stories and bubbling with love.Very full – feeling & fulfilling. All of course, flavored with a large amount of my award winning “Silly Spice”.   MY EXERCISE PLAN:* DO NOTHING DAY : I’m going to exercise my right to have a “Do Nothing Day”  & “push back ” on all the the doing .I’m getting rid of the “Guilt Gut”. After all,  men all over are watching the games for hours and feel entitled to do that …why can’t I ? So I’m flexing my “No Guilt “muscle …its only Fitting.* PUMP UP POWER : My power lifting is to sing out loud to my favorite music at least once a day. There is nothing like a few minutes  singing & dancing – you should see the  moves I make up- to  give me a “power lift” & a “luscious laugh”. And  pump  a little “iron ” into my  spirits. Move over Ellen !   So there you have it…The Soon To Be Famous “Dump Diet”. Guaranteed to make you fell lighter …if only because you had to laugh at me! So get with the program!

 

A HOIDAY MESSAGE

Season’s Greetings, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Celebrate Kwanzaa, Happy Holidays, Solstice Salutations, Feliz Navidad.   However you celebrate it, I wish you a wonderful Season of Light.

 

And for me, for several years I have sent out this message and it never fails to to remind me of what is important. And in this time of national loss and for many, including me, personal loss, I feel joined with people around the world who  remember to cherish each other    and all the gifts of love & light we have all been given.  We are connected in all the ways that count. **************                             MORE LIGHT TO SEE WHAT IS IMPORTANT      In every tradition, we commemorate the end of the darkest & longest days and the beginning of a time of more sunlight. On fact, the root word for “Christ ” is the same as for crystal or clear and of course, “mas ” means celebration. In olden times, people celebrated having more sunlight  in their days and so we  do the same. We light candles and have sparkly things  that glitter and glow. Throughout the world, this time is part  of  many different traditions but they all include celebrating  more light in our lives.  But most important, it is a time for moving into a “lighter” space and joyously renewing our connections to each other and the earth.  A NEW YEAR AND A NEW VIEW For many people, it is also a New Year and a time for new beginnings. A time to reflect on what is meaningful and to pay more attention to what is valuable  to us …. and to vow to remember those things more. In that spirit, I want to share what has become my tradition, this excerpt from ”A Christmas Story ” by Truman Capote*.   CELEBRATING WHAT WE HAVE The speaker is Sook, Truman’s elderly and disabled aunt who teaches us about life in her simple and profound way. Whatever your holiday or religious tradition, I think we can all learn from her words to remember what is really important and appreciate the gifts in  the everyday  we  have. On a cold and empty Christmas afternoon Sook exclaims to young Truman: ” ‘My, how foolish I am!’ she cries, suddenly alert, like a woman remembering too late she has biscuits in the oven. “You know what I’ve always thought?” she asks in a tone of discovery, and not smiling at me but a point beyond. “I’ve always thought a body would have to be sick and dying before they saw the Lord. And I imagined that when He came it would be like looking at the church window…pretty as colored glass with the sun shining through, such a shine you don’t know it’s getting dark. And it’s been a comfort, to think of that shine takes away all the spooky feeling. But I’ll wager it never happens. I’ll wager at the very end a body realizes he has already shown Himself.” Her hand circled in a gesture that gathered clouds and kites and grass and Queenie, our dog, pawing earth over her bone.   ”That things as they are, just what they’ve always been, was seeing Him. As for me, I could leave the world with today in my eyes. “     So in this special season, let us see  our own world  with Sook’s eyes. I hope this season brings you much light and love. Jeannie                       (*Truman Capote, A Christmas Memory, Modern Library, 1996)

 

 

THANK YOU FOR BEING IN MY LIFE

 

Thank you from Jeannie & LIFEWORKS

” If the only prayer you ever say is thank you,that is enough.”   Meister Eckhart

Dear Friends,  

One of my rituals this time of year is to pause and remember all of the wonderful people who have shared their lives with me.And to say thank you for being in my life…as friends,clients,or even someone I don’t know.I do consider everyone on my address list as a friend…even if you are someone I have not met face to face,we have some connection.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.It is special to me not only because I  love to eat but because it seems very wonderful for a nation to set aside a special day each year to give thanks.
And even though the 1st Thanksgiving was probably not like we learned in school,the idea of sharing a meal & blessings with others is a great concept.
Regardless of our traditions or backgrounds, we all can take some time to be grateful for all we have and all those who touch our lives.

In my work, I have the privilege of working with many people going thru life transitions and their courage and resilience is an inspiration to me.
I think one the great gifts of living for a while is to realize that we do have the strength to get thru tough times.. we have done it before & we see many others who inspire us. 

Like many families,this year my family will be missing a beloved face at the table. It will be hard to have that but we will remember all the joy and love they left us and how  richer  we are to have shared good times with them.
And we will raise a glass to celebrate life in all its forms.So even when a there is change and loss,we have much to be
thankful for.

 We all have a heritage that has shown us that, in spite of challenges,we have much to be
thankful for.

And so I want to let you know that I am grateful to you for entrusting me with supporting you,for staying on my list,for reading what I send to you,for referrals and for giving me feedback.,,,and just  being you. I am also very grateful that you enrich my life by being a  friend,a client,a workshop participant or just taking the time to write a comment.You are a constant source of inspiration!

So, just know that you are appreciated and valued.

Thank you ..and please pass the turkey!

Jeannie

 

THE WAR OF THE WORLDS

Lately, I have had the sensation of being in a movie where two different worlds are colliding and I’m sometimes not sure which one is the “ alternative “universe.

What happens is that one day, I see one version of a world & then a little later, I see something completely opposite.

Which world is right? Are we coming or going?

No wonder I’m getting whiplash!

Recent events have brought these in sharp contrast & I had some sharp realizations about what these differences mean especially for women.

First we had the amazing Olympics where, for the first time, every country had a women athlete. Women from every walk of life were glorious and gracious in their strength and power. Little girls everywhere now have real models to inspire them and they will see this a normal.

I realized that when I was growing up, I didn’t know about any women athletes at all, much less see them as famous and important.

Then there August 26 ,“Women’s Equality Day” which was designed to honor the day, 90 years ago, that women got the right to vote. The founding fathers had that right since the Revolutionary War but it took a long time for women to have that right.

When I realized that my grandmother was born into a world where she could not vote, it made it very real to me. And I know I often just take this for granted.

Then we had the “competing conventions” which had many differences but both featured inspiring speakers, including many women. Many came from humble backgrounds but had choices that helped them move forward. And all over the world, people listened to them and cheered.

And I realized that they grew up just like me, where they were able to live a life of more choices than their parents ever knew.

But then in another “world”, choices for women’s health as well as the ability to vote seem to be taken over and a totally different view of a world is being shown.

And I realized that I recognized these same scenes from my own long ago youth and I remember that time with much pain.

I felt very upset when I looked at this “world”. It seems like a step back in time…a time when choices were very limited and expectations for a better life were low. And while I know progress in never easy and that there is often a backlash, for a while I was very discouraged. Haven’t we been here before?

But the more I thought about it & looked around me, the more reasons I saw to feel positive about the future. Yes, there are these two competing views but which one do I want to live in?

All these “realizations” make me sure that we are moving forward even though some would like to take us back to an “old world”.

I know I do have a choice as to where I put my time & energy and that what I focus on will always grow…past pain included.

So when I see the young moms in my book club raising future presidents, my young neighbors changing education for children & the environment and my young niece being an equal partner in her marriage & her business, I begin to relax. They are creating a better world.

Just like every generation has always done.

And those Olympic athletes are certainly not going to accept anyone else’s view of their world. Try telling them that they can’t do something & you’d have to get far out of the way. Maybe go into another universe!

And so in the War of the Worlds, I know who will win.

                      All of us.

CREATING SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL OUT OF SIMPLE THINGS & A NEED

                   “WORK IS NOW A PATCHWORK QUILT , NOT A SECURITY BLANKET

When WCNC News anchor & Observer columnist, Bobby Sisk asked me what trends I see in employment today, there was a lot to talk about. So much of what we have always thought of as “work” is changing dramatically.

                                         I said, “Work is now more of a patchwork quilt, not a security blanket”.

 The resulting Observer column he wrote echoed that thought but as I reflected on this idea, I realized that there is more to it than I first thought

                                                                         What Happened In Gee’s Bend

And then I was reminded of the remarkable women of the tiny town of Gee’s Bend, Alabama?who created works of art by creating quilts. They didn’t start out to be artists but just wanted to make something practical to keep warm and maybe make a little money.

They had to use the materials they had. Just like most of us…they had a need and wanted to fill it

They just wanted to share their humble gifts with each other and their families.?The result was beautiful art that would be in major galleries across the country and bring some money and fame to their small town.

For many of us, our situation is much the same .

The trend I see now in employment is somewhat like that. People are creating small new businesses for practical reasons and the results are more than they ever thought.

Certainly, many folks have had second jobs in addition to regular full time ones and there are many ambitious new entrepreneurs. But this new trend is for people to start a new business and make it intentionally small – at least at first

 

The reasons are varied but may include:??-they want some income while they look for other work :

•they have looked for full time work but cannot find it

•family or health issues require more schedule flexibility

•they are training for a new career but need income now

•they are burned out, bored or feel stuck in current job

•they have longed to express themselves in ways that traditional ? work an’t accommodate

Some of the more important reasons are that creation is energizing and gives us a sense of purpose as well as credibility.

This may seem intimidating at first but it can be quite simple. It does not have to be big or time consuming to meet your needs.??You can do it in some form no matter what your age and there is research that says it helps you to live longer and be healthier!

Learning something new is good exercise for our brains.

An added bonus is that you will meet lots of people that you might ?otherwise never meet. They may make you a job offer you can’t refuse (that happened to me!).

All you need is a skill or a service you want to offer, a phone & ?a computer and most important, a willingness to learn.

There is lots of help out there for you, including me.

I don’t claim to be an expert but I have had 2 businesses, taught entrepreneurial skills for CPCC, am on the board for a entrepreneur networking group, & ran an entrepreneur support group that met 2x a month for 8 years. I also come from a long line of family entrepreneurs. And I’ve learned a lot the hard way!

I Love to Do This

And most important, I love to coach others in starting & growing their businesses. I am willing to do this for FREE if you pay it forward. (contact me for details)

Yes, I know that may not seem like fun some folks but like the quilters of Gee’s Bend, I know that works of creation often have humble beginnings.

And I love to say...

  “I knew them when they were just starting”.

 

 

 

 

 

THE MISSING LINK….HEALTH, HOPE, & HAPPINESS

                                    “More fun than Sweating and Spinach”

 

“Medical Science does not know how to quantify the healing effects of joy.” Nelsa Ciaponni, MD

 

Dusty had a double mastectomy 5 years ago, but the cancer had returned. She had lots of unsuccessful chemo, and her future looked

bleak. Doctors recommended a drug trial, but she knew that it would mean that she would not be able to have quality time with her daughter in the last summer before she left for college.

So Dusty made a radical decision. She stopped the chemo and decided to pack as much good times into that summer as she could. She joined hundreds of other women riding their motorcycles across the county to raise awareness and money for breast cancer. And she soaked up lots of her daughter’s company.  When the summer was over, she went in for a medical check up.  She was found to be CANCER FREE!

 

When I read this story in Tamela Rich’s book “Full Throttle,”“ I was thrilled for Dusty, but not surprised. Tamela too reclaimed her life by reconnecting with her own joy. There are many stories like these, but we sometimes think they only happen to someone else or are a fluke.

The quote from Dr. Ciaponni really said it all. What if there is much more to the healing effects of joy than we have been led to believe?

Daily we are bombarded with huge amounts of ever changing information about how to “fix” our bodies, most of which are of the “no gain, no pain”  mentality. Ugh – no wonder we don’t follow that advice.  We don’t hear very much about changing our emotions in order to change our health.

What happened to body, mind, and spirit? Somehow we have lost being whole humans and are only seen as parts.

Some years ago in England, a group launched a “Happiness Project “ in an effort to help reduce and prevent illness. Participants who enrolled in the project were subjected to thorough scientific tests to measure the results. They found that being happier actually changes your brain for the better in many powerful ways. Wow!

And since my brain can use all the help I can give it, I have nothing to lose and my mind to gain, or gain back, by being happier.

At Harvard, the most poplar course in the whole school is on the psychology of happiness. (And you thought going to Harvard was just  about how to be president!). The instructor, Dr.Tal Ben-Sharar,  wrote a book called “Happier,”  about what he had learned from the class. Now I’m not smart enough to get into Harvard, but I’m smart enough to learn from them, and you are too

What a radical idea   …being happier really makes us healthier and it is much more fun that sweating and spinach!

The more I learn about the connection between happiness and health, the more excited I am to find out more.  I’m not saying that I know a lot yet, but it makes so much sense to me that I am very excited to share what I have found out.  After all, we know a lot about how unhappy emotions can make us feel bad – why not learn more about what we can do easily to have more positive emotions?  And besides, being a very bossy woman, I like having more control over my health and my life.  Maybe you can relate?

The Health, Hope, & Happiness workshops coming up will provide a place to learn more about this mind/body connection and will be fun at the same time. What’s not to like?

As for my personal journey, I’m realizing that just adding a“Daily Dose of Delight” is becoming as important as taking my vitamins.

It is something to look forward to, and it’s free.

 

And when someone asks me what I‘m doing, I will just say,

 “I’m taking my medication,” and then I will laugh out loud!

 

 

 

PINK HOUSES,PALACES &PRODUCE

The Pink House