Lifeworks! » Transitions

My 5 Minutes of Fame & Fun

tamela — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 14:26:13 +0000

Wow! It was a blast to be on “live” TV last week and your good wishes made it even better.

I felt so supported and like you were all there with me

I’ve gotten many emails & calls from folks who were sending good wishes even if they didn’t see it or read the follow up column in the Charlotte Observer on 9/19.

It’s really fun to have a “Fan Club”…even for a few days! Thank you.

Here’s the back story.

Bobby Sisk

Bobby Sisk, news anchor on WBNC, channel 36, called me Tues. morning about 10 to see if I could do the interview. He asked me to be at studio by 3:45 that afternoon with somewhat sane answers to the questions he sent me. I’d been taped for tv before but this was live…no way to edit what you say.Gulp!

Of course, it was an already packed day and I wasn’t sure how I could fit another thing into it but somehow it worked out.This was a powerful motivation to get organized!

It was very interesting to see how the studio really looks and to be “miked up”in the “green” ( its really grey) room. Bobbie Sisk. the anchor, was so helpful and relaxed that he made it very comfortable but I didn’t remember what said till I saw the tape.Seeing yourself on video is always a surprise.More makeup next time.

And then he wrote about our conversation in more depth in his column on job search in Sunday Observer.

And his follow up email to me said: “Thank you- you are great to work with!”. What a classy guy !

I learned a lot in the experience and will be sharing that in regular newsletter soon.

I hope the information was useful.Several people told me I need to share this kind of info more so I will think about ways to do that.One person suggested a podcast, anther suggested public tv.Hummm….Your suggestions on that would be helpful & apprecaited.

So thank you to all of you & to Bobby for sharing the fun!

STRENGTH FOR THE JOURNEY

Jeannie Fennell — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 20:58:20 +0000

“The only journey is the journey within.”

Wow- it was quite a trip! My recent vacation opened my eyes to many things…not only to the magnificent Rocky Mountains but the magnificent people who helped me get there. Most of them were complete strangers.

Not only was it a journey to a different place in the mountains but also a different place within me. Both locations were, at times, somewhat scary but very interesting.

The Great Old Broads have Style

In our hot NC summers, I like to go to somewhere cool so when I read about the Great Old Broads for the Wilderness trip to The Colorado Rockies, I was delighted. I could reconnect with an old friend in Denver and then camp out with the “Broads”. And be part of this amazing group dedicated to environmental causes as well as having fun. ”Libations for Happy Hour” were listed in instructions on what to bring….my kind of camping.

Those people are “Strangers”

The logistics of getting from Denver to the camp- 300+ miles away and getting gear across the country and other considerations seemed daunting but I kept thinking that somehow it could be done. I didn’t have a clue as to how.

Before I left, several people said ‘ “But you will be around strangers- you don’t know anyone in that group”. Little did I realize that this was a great advantage!

Exploring the Ins & Outs of Travel

I did find that one of the gifts of travel is to explore different places, including the ones you carry around inside of you.

Faking my strong woman act came young. I was raised to be very self-sufficient and take care of things myself. Early I learned to say the “Everything is just fine” line with the fake smile plastered on. And while this early training has been useful in many ways, it has also sometimes kept me from being truthful about what I was feeling and, of course, seldom asking for help. Sometimes, this has caused me to feel isolated and weary as I had to do it all myself.

The Kindness of Strangers

But on this trip, I truly began to learn to “rely on the kindness of strangers” because that was all that was around me. I had to ask for help regularly. And I also found that, just telling the truth about how I was feeling opened up vast amounts of support that I didn’t even know I wanted but loved having. And it connected me in very powerful ways.

The list of gifts, support & fun from folks I didn’t know is very long and I am very grateful for it all. The generosity still astounds me. From open arms hospitality from some one I had not seen in 15 years, to “taxi” service all over Denver, to a 600-mile ride, a hot shower and a stay in a luxury trailer, I was beautifully taken care of.

It’s Blowing In the Wind

But the best gift was how this trip showed me a part of myself that needed to be “blown away ” by the mountain wind. It was time to let go of an old, worn out way of being.

It was time to give up the “I can do it myself ” act and leave it like a pair of hiking boots that don’t fit any more. I”m trading them in for support, comfort & a new style. The sense of freedom is as intoxicating as the mountain views.

It only took a 3000-mile trip for me to find out that sharing my journey is all it takes to turn strangers into friends. I’m never alone because strangers are everywhere.

Sometimes I’m a little slow…but I do finally get there.

Broads Help Each Other Cross a Stream

LET FREEDOM RING! Celebrate the Sparkles….

Jeannie Fennell — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 23:26:06 +0000

Free at last! I’m sure that is what I thought when I ran away from school in the first grade. I didn’t like all the rules and the kids were mean .So I just got my coat and started to walk toward home even though I had never walked that route before. One of my neighbors picked me up and took me home but it was several days before I went reluctantly back.And that was after the school principal came to my house to talk with me.

So you can see that the need for freedom has been with me a long time and why celebration of it makes the 4^th of July a favorite holiday.

Founders of Freedom

I really identify with our country’s founders who wanted to have a say in how they lived their lives and were willing to fight for it. And like them, my need for that has often gotten me in trouble. But not trying to be free seems much worse.

And I also love how this holiday is celebrated with the simple joys of eating food outside, watching parades, and being dazzled by fireworks. It is all just relaxed fun even though the struggles we are honoring are often not.

Celebration and Fun

And so this newsletter is just for celebration and fun. I ‘ve had a good time coming up with my “Declarations of Independence” and “Freedoms”. I hope you will make up your own and share them with me.

Jeannie’s Declarations of Independence

* I hereby declare myself free from Social Media Madness. I’d rather have a real strawberry than a plastic blackberry; a hug from a real person is more valuable than a thousand “likes” from people who don’t know me, much less like me.

* I hereby declare myself free from the “Health Numbers Boogey Man”. All the scare statistics about calories, cholesterol, weight, etc. try to make me fit into an “average”. So I’m not average and I’d rather treat my body as the amazing gift that it is instead of squashing it into someone’s need for numbers.

• I declare myself free form the “Doom & Gloom” Crowd: I can be depressed on my own, thank you, and don’t need to hear “Aint’t It Awful” again. Spending time & energy paying attention to that keeps me from appreciating what is good and from doing what I can to change things. And besides, it is boring.

And being free of all this gives me time to delight in the simple, corny things (yep, that’s me) that the makes life so good and worth celebrating:

-Freedom to eat what I want when I want it, like ice cream at 2:00 am

-Freedom to read sleazy novels with no socially redeeming plot at all

-Freedom to turn up the music and loudly sing off key

-Freedom to say silly, goofy things to the people & pets I love

And most of all, freedom to write this newsletter just like I want it and to say what is in my head and in my heart. And know you will receive it in the same way. And you will join me in celebrating this amazing country that, in spite of all the challenges, was founded freedom for all.

And as we celebrate this, be sure to enjoy the delicious, beautiful sparkly fireworks inside all of us, just yearning to be set free.

Please pass the watermelon!

Don’t Fence Me In

Jeannie Fennell — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 14:40:51 +0000

WONDER WHAT’S ON THE OTHER SIDE?

Ever had the experience of where you realize that something you that used to make you feel good …an outfit, a place or even a person…don’t seem to fit right or feel as good as they once did? What happened to it while I wasn’t looking?

I have been having that experience lately.

When this happens, I usually try to deny it or try to make it work by putting in lots of effort to recapture what I am losing. I will make it work, I say…which of course is just asking for more frustration but then, I’m a slow learner.

Often I felt naked & vulnerable as it feels like things that have changed things are the things make me feel secure. I resent that I didn’t have a choice that my “blankness “ are going w away.

With lots of resistance...

It started to happen last fall when I had some health challenges and was advised to slow down some and not work so hard. I knew it was good advice and although difficult to put into practice, I liked the idea. And thought it would be great to have more time for myself.

So with some (lots) of resistance, I began to let go of some projects and obligations.

When winter came, I enjoyed some hibernating but still kept my long list of “to dos”. The quiet voiced kept asking me, ” Who would you be without all the doing?” It was scary to think of that.

But by spring, I began to get restless and felt “fenced in” by all the “musts & shoulds” I had built around me.

With reluctance, it began to occur to me all the “duties “ gave me some identity as well as kept me very busy with no time to look around.

The “safe places “ no longer fit or felt as good.

And while that was very good for a long time, I could also see that it also kept me in one place. My protection “fences” had, in some ways, became barriers. The “safe places “ no longer fit or felt as good.

I began to see that I needed to slow down so I could pay attention at first. But now I needed to clear some room to grow…. I needed more wide-open spaces and fewer fences.

If every day is filled, it leaves little room for creating & exploring.

What would my life be like if I could let go a little and open space for new and old dreams to appear? And if I could allow myself to feel unsure and naked a bit, maybe I could take down some of my “fear fence”…and I might have a great new view!

So now as I take baby steps in exploring some new areas, I like playing the old cowboy song, ” Don’t Fence Me In “ and the Dixie Chicks wonderful song celebrating “Wide Open Spaces” .

They remind me that it is only in outgrowing our fences, that we are truly free

The Career Coach’s Corner

Jeannie Fennell — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 23:31:17 +0000

“What are some of the most common mistakes job seekers make?

The 3 H’s: Handshakes, Hugs & Help:
3 Key Ingredients in Finding Work

Coach Jeannie Says:
“Let me explain…”

All job seekers I have met work very hard on finding work…it is just that they sometimes put their energy into places that don’t produce much results.
Often I hear them say that they have sent out lots & lots of resumes but have little response. Sending out lots of resumes is sort of like buying a lottery ticket…great if you win but your odds are not very good!
Job seekers often only try to connect with people who are advertising jobs. They don’t seem to realize that since 80-90% of jobs are not advertised and are filled by someone who is knows someone, they need to spend 80-90% of their time in getting known.And only 10-15% of time in sending resumes for jobs on the internet.
The old “6 degrees of separation” works hugely in this area.

Here is one of the ways to do this:

Take advantage of the many job seekers groups available….not only to polish up resumes & interview skills but to connect with others who are also looking.
They can tell you about opportunities that you cannot know about because they are in places you don’t go. They also have their own “network” that they can refer you to; you never know who they know.
It is like having your own job help army. They can be your “job scouts”.And you can do the same for them.

But you do have to attend the groups regularly and get known there. Share your own knowledge & your network freely. Also volunteering to help set chairs, make coffee, etc. lets people see that you care and are responsible as well as visible.As other get to know you, they can recommend you.Reaching out to others means a lot.It may take a while but it sure beats sitting in front of the computer until your buns & brains are numb.

Social media has a place in job seeking but NOTHING replaces personal contact & a reputation as a reliable & helpful person. Yes,it sometimes “takes a village” to get a job so its important to get to know your neighbors!

A hug or a handshake is one of the most important thing you can do to find a job.

And it feels good to the
giver & receiver…and it is free.

*********************************************************

The Gift of Fog Woman

Jeannie Fennell — Thu, 28 Oct 2010 18:25:34 +0000

In August, I took an amazing trip on a ferry up the coast of Alaska. We stopped at some of the small towns along the way and I became fascinated with the tradition of totem poles. They are stunningly beautiful but also tell stories about culture.

I learned about a totem named for
Fog Woman, a mythical woman who ushers in salmon with the fog to feed her people and keep them safe.

I decided that I wanted to find a small replica of the Fog Woman totem to take back with me as a special symbol. I found a small hand carved totem and now it sits now on my desk. Little did I know how powerful that would soon be for me!

Tired and a little down when I returned, I figured this is to be expected after such a trip. When my fatigue and low mood did not change after a couple of weeks, I became concerned. I also felt like I was really wandering around in the proverbial “fog “.
(So o.k., maybe I am usually like that but this was a lot, even for me!)

As I explored the roots of this feeling, I realized I felt like a salmon swimming upstream, and it was very tiring. I wrote it off to September being a busy time for me and kept going. Eventually, I had a routine physical exam which showed nothing wrong. Yet, my inner self whispered a different message.

Finally paying attention to the inner voice, I consulted a wonderful holistic practitioner who said, “Your mind, heart and spirit are so strong that you don’t realize that your body cannot always keep up.” As soon as she said this, I knew it was true and was exactly what I had needed to hear. I had been getting these messages but didn’t want to hear them. At some level it was a relief because she confirmed what my body had been telling me. Now I was ready to listen.

I remembered that about 3 years ago I felt I wanted to to slow down a bit and play more. But when the recession and the accompanying fear hit, I ramped back up and just kept pushing. Clearly now my body was saying that I need to go back to my original plan and re-prioritize how to spend my energy.

Amazing that a small wooden image had the perfect message for me! Fog Woman showed that the gifts of abundance can come out of a fog. I don’t need to always “push the river” and be afraid that I won’t have what I need. Wonderful things come to me when I relax and operate not out of fear and scarcity but out of peace and reflection. Look what gifts I was given from this trip.

And yes, I am a little less “foggy” now …back to my normal level anyway and am feeling much renewed and restored.
Who knew a vacation could do so much…I think I’ll plan another one soon.

MIDLIFE, MILES AND MIRACLES

Jeannie Fennell — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:03:56 +0000

This is a story about a midlife crisis that resulted in internal and external miracles…and the many miles that were traveled along the way.

Midlife crisis is usually joked about as the time when people buy the fancy sports and find a young, good-looking person to ride in it. But even if you don’t approach this time in that way, midlife is certainly a time to reexamine your life, make some big changes and perhaps go in a different direction.

This is the story about how one woman is doing that & is inspiring others to create their own “new journey”.

The Inner Journey

About three years ago, Soulo Entrepreneurs member, Tamela Rich came to me to help her deal with the loss of her business and to help her find a new career direction. Tamela did a lot of inner work to connect with what she really wanted to do. She had long loved to write but had, like many of us, not seen using her talent as a viable business. But as she connected with her passion, her energy returned and doors began to open for her.

She created a successful business writing for financial markets. And after having dealt with her own crisis, she decided to write about the trade offs everyone must make in life. With the financial meltdown still playing out, she’s researching the book by talking to financial traders across the country about their trade offs – personally and professionally.

She also wanted to have some fun, live a dream, and make a difference…All great midlife goals

So next week, she will start riding across the country to conduct her research, not in a shiny sports car, but on a shiny new motorcycle. Along the way she’ll be raising money for The National Breast Cancer Foundation.

The Outer Journey

Of course, there were a few obstacles to realizing her dream. Minor ones like she had never ridden a motorcycle.

She had little money of her own, didn’t know many people around the country, and a few other “minor” challenges.

Oh yeah, and she didn’t have a motorcycle or the means to buy on

And some people who asked her, “What are you thinking? “ and other discouraging remarks.

The Dream

But she had a dream and out of that dream has come some miracles –like the new BMW motorcycle and the dozens of “little” sponsorships from friends. strangers and businesses across the country. In the spirit of “If you build it, they will come,” her dream is coming tru

Biker Babe

And on June 26, she will start her “outward journey” with lots of support. plenty of contacts, a book contract and a new bike. In the process, she has inspired all of us to reconnect with our passions and find a way to make a difference in the world…especially our own.

Tamela gives a new meaning to “You Rock, Biker Babe!

You can follow Tamela’s travels on Roadtrip.TamelaRich.com

Lookit! I’m on TV!

Jeannie Fennell — Tue, 25 May 2010 21:27:44 +0000

I had the wonderful fortune to be interviewed by WCNC /

Channel 36,reporter, Bobby Sisk, for my support group called “The Bucket Brigade ” for people who are unemployed or in some type of transition.The article was also featured in 5/23 Charlotte

Observer Business section.

It was a little scary to do and of course when I saw myself on t.v. , I was surprised at how I looked .But it was also fun and exciting and I hope that it will help some of the folks who are stressed and need some support.

It’s the part of being laid off many people don’t expect: the emotional toll it takes to lose one job and then look for another.

That’s where Dr. Jeannie Fennell of tries to help. A psychologist, she started a job support group last November called the Bucket Brigade.

“I realized there was a lot of help for resume writing, but not a lot for what is the stress part and the toll it takes on you physically and emotionally,” she said.

The group meets the first and third Wednesday of each month at Julia’s Coffee in the Habitat for Humanity ReStore on Wendover Road. At this week’s meeting, six job seekers showed up and talked openly about the emotional process of figuring out what’s next.

“I worked in nonprofit for 12 years,” said 63-year-old Cindy Thomson.

Laid off last April, Thomson says she understood why her agency had to make cuts, but she still felt like she’d been rejected.

“I’m not that far from retirement age, so I say if you’re my age and you get laid off, you might be retired,” she said, laughing.

Thomson has attended the meetings since they started and finds the candid discussions helpful.

“I don’t do well at home by myself. My batteries will run down. I like to be around people so this group really helps,” she said.

Fennell said, “I hope that eventually this group goes away and that we don’t really need this anymore.”

But with more layoffs — this time in county government and schools — she expects the need to increase.

People with Great Courage

“I’m just very, very, very fortunate to be able to do this and be with these people and hear their stories. They are people with great courage,” Fennell said.

Fennell knows the pain of a pink slip firsthand. Before going back to school to get her doctorate in psychology, she worked as a recruiter and in human resources. She has hired and been fired.

“I often say I’ve been the person on both sides of the desk – the person looking for work and the person employed. In fact, when I moved to Charlotte, within about two months of being relocated by a company, I got laid off. I didn’t know anybody and it was really a tough time,” she said.

At each meeting a bucket is placed in the center of the table. Thomson says the message it sends is two-fold.

“One thing is you put doubts and fears and impatience in the bucket and leave it. And with the Bucket Brigade, there’s the analogy of throwing water on a fire and it takes a lot of people to pass the bucket, so we can all communicate with each other and understand what we’re all going through,” she said.

Playing House-A Makeover Just Like on Oprah

Jeannie Fennell — Thu, 13 May 2010 17:16:17 +0000

Playing House

I felt like I was a little girl again in the playhouse my dad built for me. It was a favorite place to play. It was a place where everyday objects became special things and everything was new.In those days, leaves were plates and flowers were “pretend” food.
It was a place where I could have a new place to play every day.

But I am far from a little girl and I was in my own living room but the experience I was having still felt the same. And no, it was not too much wine but something much more interesting.

What was happening to me was the amazing experience of having a professional decorator, Ann Hodges owner of Sensible Space “re-do” my living room.
Ann stages homes for sale, has a booth at Black Lion Gifts and regularly makes the world a prettier place.

Ann is also the President of CPSE (Carolina Professional Sales & Entrepreneurs) where I also serve on the board. One day I complained that I had never liked my living room and she said she would be glad to re-decorate it using my own stuff. It was a very generous offer that I was delighted to accept.

When she came, Ann asked me some questions about what I liked and didn’t like about the room, what worked and didn’t work and then proceeded to move things around. She quickly moved into action and things began to change. Objects I had thought were old or ugly were “re-purposed”, pretty things showed much more and the whole room had much more livable, attractive space. Who knew it could look so good? My living room had a make-over just like on Oprah! And it was fun and energizing.

It took me a few days to get used to it but it feels much better. I really like sitting there now and wonder at the difference another perspective makes.

It took this experience for me to understand what one of my clients meant when she said,

” Working with you is like being in one of those programs on HGTV where they take your old pictures and re-frame them and suddenly, they look good. You look at the ‘old stuff” we have in our lives and put them into new frames and suddenly we see them in a whole new way. You take what we thought was junk and see the possibilities we don’t see. Suddenly everything looks better and works better too.

You told me that my story was powerful when I thought it was painful. But now I have turned that story into a book to help others.”

That’s a real “re-do”.

This client was Rev. Elizabeth Hyland who had gone thru a job loss and wanted to re-make her life and she really has. She organized the very successful “From Stressed to Success ” seminars for unemployed last year where I was a speaker. Now she has written a book “The Unemployment Rollercoaster:From Stress to Success” to support others in the same situation.

(She graciously gave me permission to use her quote & her story.)

And so, I have a new title of “interior decorator ” only I help you re-do your life instead of your house. My new slogan is ,” If your life needs a “re-do” I’m the one to come to”.And like Ann, I love to help people “re- purpose” the things in their lives and create a better space for them to live. And it is not “pretend” because the skills you learn really last.

We can all take what we have and make something special out it. We just need a new perspective and someone to play with.

So if you would like to re-new something in your life’s “living room”, call me and we can make everything old be new again.

Including us.

Down the Rabbit Hole and Back Again

Jeannie Fennell — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 20:05:47 +0000

LifeLearnings…Musings and Perspectives on our changing times

Remember what happened to Alice in Wonderland?

She fell down a rabbit hole into a strange land where the rules didn’t make sense and the all the signposts were backwards.

Alice kept asking for help to find her way but got confusing instructions. The queen of the land threatened to take off her head if Alice didn’t follow orders, but the orders were impossible to execute.

Over the last year or so,I have been feeling like Alice. The world seemed crazy. And I know many who feel the same. We have fallen down a hole and can’t get out. The signposts don’t make any sense. The landscape is different. What we are “supposed” to do is impossible and real directions seemed hard to find.

But as I have stumbled around myself and have helped others navigate through their changes, I have found out something very helpful and comforting.

That something is my essential self.

What’s the essential self? Our heart and our soul — those parts of us that are our character, are the same. They have not changed, no matter what else has. The essential self is as distinctive as the shape of our head or the way we walk. Whatever happened externally, the inside is much the same. On the inside is our values, our integrity and yes, our quirks and eccentric ways. Whatever made us valuable and unique is still there and usable, even if dented and scratched.

Whew..Realizing that was a great relief. I can count on those things within me that I have honed over my lifetime…they are not going to desert me. I can feel safe. I have only lost the outside stuff, not what is really valuable.

Realizing this, a quiet joy began to emerge because while everything else can be replaced or discarded, I, the essential me, will never go away.

And while I’m not grinning like the Cheshire Cat, I am smiling more and that’s a good sign. And yes, as the song says.”Still crazy after all these years” and I refuse to lose that.

And I hope you are the same.