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STRENGTH FOR THE JOURNEY

Jeannie Fennell — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 20:58:20 +0000

“The only journey is the journey within.”

Wow- it was quite a trip! My recent vacation opened my eyes to many things…not only to the magnificent Rocky Mountains but the magnificent people who helped me get there. Most of them were complete strangers.

Not only was it a journey to a different place in the mountains but also a different place within me. Both locations were, at times, somewhat scary but very interesting.

The Great Old Broads have Style

In our hot NC summers, I like to go to somewhere cool so when I read about the Great Old Broads for the Wilderness trip to The Colorado Rockies, I was delighted. I could reconnect with an old friend in Denver and then camp out with the “Broads”. And be part of this amazing group dedicated to environmental causes as well as having fun. ”Libations for Happy Hour” were listed in instructions on what to bring….my kind of camping.

Those people are “Strangers”

The logistics of getting from Denver to the camp- 300+ miles away and getting gear across the country and other considerations seemed daunting but I kept thinking that somehow it could be done. I didn’t have a clue as to how.

Before I left, several people said ‘ “But you will be around strangers- you don’t know anyone in that group”. Little did I realize that this was a great advantage!

Exploring the Ins & Outs of Travel

I did find that one of the gifts of travel is to explore different places, including the ones you carry around inside of you.

Faking my strong woman act came young. I was raised to be very self-sufficient and take care of things myself. Early I learned to say the “Everything is just fine” line with the fake smile plastered on. And while this early training has been useful in many ways, it has also sometimes kept me from being truthful about what I was feeling and, of course, seldom asking for help. Sometimes, this has caused me to feel isolated and weary as I had to do it all myself.

The Kindness of Strangers

But on this trip, I truly began to learn to “rely on the kindness of strangers” because that was all that was around me. I had to ask for help regularly. And I also found that, just telling the truth about how I was feeling opened up vast amounts of support that I didn’t even know I wanted but loved having. And it connected me in very powerful ways.

The list of gifts, support & fun from folks I didn’t know is very long and I am very grateful for it all. The generosity still astounds me. From open arms hospitality from some one I had not seen in 15 years, to “taxi” service all over Denver, to a 600-mile ride, a hot shower and a stay in a luxury trailer, I was beautifully taken care of.

It’s Blowing In the Wind

But the best gift was how this trip showed me a part of myself that needed to be “blown away ” by the mountain wind. It was time to let go of an old, worn out way of being.

It was time to give up the “I can do it myself ” act and leave it like a pair of hiking boots that don’t fit any more. I”m trading them in for support, comfort & a new style. The sense of freedom is as intoxicating as the mountain views.

It only took a 3000-mile trip for me to find out that sharing my journey is all it takes to turn strangers into friends. I’m never alone because strangers are everywhere.

Sometimes I’m a little slow…but I do finally get there.

Broads Help Each Other Cross a Stream

LET FREEDOM RING! Celebrate the Sparkles….

Jeannie Fennell — Wed, 06 Jul 2011 23:26:06 +0000

Free at last! I’m sure that is what I thought when I ran away from school in the first grade. I didn’t like all the rules and the kids were mean .So I just got my coat and started to walk toward home even though I had never walked that route before. One of my neighbors picked me up and took me home but it was several days before I went reluctantly back.And that was after the school principal came to my house to talk with me.

So you can see that the need for freedom has been with me a long time and why celebration of it makes the 4^th of July a favorite holiday.

Founders of Freedom

I really identify with our country’s founders who wanted to have a say in how they lived their lives and were willing to fight for it. And like them, my need for that has often gotten me in trouble. But not trying to be free seems much worse.

And I also love how this holiday is celebrated with the simple joys of eating food outside, watching parades, and being dazzled by fireworks. It is all just relaxed fun even though the struggles we are honoring are often not.

Celebration and Fun

And so this newsletter is just for celebration and fun. I ‘ve had a good time coming up with my “Declarations of Independence” and “Freedoms”. I hope you will make up your own and share them with me.

Jeannie’s Declarations of Independence

* I hereby declare myself free from Social Media Madness. I’d rather have a real strawberry than a plastic blackberry; a hug from a real person is more valuable than a thousand “likes” from people who don’t know me, much less like me.

* I hereby declare myself free from the “Health Numbers Boogey Man”. All the scare statistics about calories, cholesterol, weight, etc. try to make me fit into an “average”. So I’m not average and I’d rather treat my body as the amazing gift that it is instead of squashing it into someone’s need for numbers.

• I declare myself free form the “Doom & Gloom” Crowd: I can be depressed on my own, thank you, and don’t need to hear “Aint’t It Awful” again. Spending time & energy paying attention to that keeps me from appreciating what is good and from doing what I can to change things. And besides, it is boring.

And being free of all this gives me time to delight in the simple, corny things (yep, that’s me) that the makes life so good and worth celebrating:

-Freedom to eat what I want when I want it, like ice cream at 2:00 am

-Freedom to read sleazy novels with no socially redeeming plot at all

-Freedom to turn up the music and loudly sing off key

-Freedom to say silly, goofy things to the people & pets I love

And most of all, freedom to write this newsletter just like I want it and to say what is in my head and in my heart. And know you will receive it in the same way. And you will join me in celebrating this amazing country that, in spite of all the challenges, was founded freedom for all.

And as we celebrate this, be sure to enjoy the delicious, beautiful sparkly fireworks inside all of us, just yearning to be set free.

Please pass the watermelon!

Don’t Fence Me In

Jeannie Fennell — Mon, 20 Jun 2011 14:40:51 +0000

WONDER WHAT’S ON THE OTHER SIDE?

Ever had the experience of where you realize that something you that used to make you feel good …an outfit, a place or even a person…don’t seem to fit right or feel as good as they once did? What happened to it while I wasn’t looking?

I have been having that experience lately.

When this happens, I usually try to deny it or try to make it work by putting in lots of effort to recapture what I am losing. I will make it work, I say…which of course is just asking for more frustration but then, I’m a slow learner.

Often I felt naked & vulnerable as it feels like things that have changed things are the things make me feel secure. I resent that I didn’t have a choice that my “blankness “ are going w away.

With lots of resistance...

It started to happen last fall when I had some health challenges and was advised to slow down some and not work so hard. I knew it was good advice and although difficult to put into practice, I liked the idea. And thought it would be great to have more time for myself.

So with some (lots) of resistance, I began to let go of some projects and obligations.

When winter came, I enjoyed some hibernating but still kept my long list of “to dos”. The quiet voiced kept asking me, ” Who would you be without all the doing?” It was scary to think of that.

But by spring, I began to get restless and felt “fenced in” by all the “musts & shoulds” I had built around me.

With reluctance, it began to occur to me all the “duties “ gave me some identity as well as kept me very busy with no time to look around.

The “safe places “ no longer fit or felt as good.

And while that was very good for a long time, I could also see that it also kept me in one place. My protection “fences” had, in some ways, became barriers. The “safe places “ no longer fit or felt as good.

I began to see that I needed to slow down so I could pay attention at first. But now I needed to clear some room to grow…. I needed more wide-open spaces and fewer fences.

If every day is filled, it leaves little room for creating & exploring.

What would my life be like if I could let go a little and open space for new and old dreams to appear? And if I could allow myself to feel unsure and naked a bit, maybe I could take down some of my “fear fence”…and I might have a great new view!

So now as I take baby steps in exploring some new areas, I like playing the old cowboy song, ” Don’t Fence Me In “ and the Dixie Chicks wonderful song celebrating “Wide Open Spaces” .

They remind me that it is only in outgrowing our fences, that we are truly free

The Career Coach’s Corner

Jeannie Fennell — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 23:31:17 +0000

“What are some of the most common mistakes job seekers make?

The 3 H’s: Handshakes, Hugs & Help:
3 Key Ingredients in Finding Work

Coach Jeannie Says:
“Let me explain…”

All job seekers I have met work very hard on finding work…it is just that they sometimes put their energy into places that don’t produce much results.
Often I hear them say that they have sent out lots & lots of resumes but have little response. Sending out lots of resumes is sort of like buying a lottery ticket…great if you win but your odds are not very good!
Job seekers often only try to connect with people who are advertising jobs. They don’t seem to realize that since 80-90% of jobs are not advertised and are filled by someone who is knows someone, they need to spend 80-90% of their time in getting known.And only 10-15% of time in sending resumes for jobs on the internet.
The old “6 degrees of separation” works hugely in this area.

Here is one of the ways to do this:

Take advantage of the many job seekers groups available….not only to polish up resumes & interview skills but to connect with others who are also looking.
They can tell you about opportunities that you cannot know about because they are in places you don’t go. They also have their own “network” that they can refer you to; you never know who they know.
It is like having your own job help army. They can be your “job scouts”.And you can do the same for them.

But you do have to attend the groups regularly and get known there. Share your own knowledge & your network freely. Also volunteering to help set chairs, make coffee, etc. lets people see that you care and are responsible as well as visible.As other get to know you, they can recommend you.Reaching out to others means a lot.It may take a while but it sure beats sitting in front of the computer until your buns & brains are numb.

Social media has a place in job seeking but NOTHING replaces personal contact & a reputation as a reliable & helpful person. Yes,it sometimes “takes a village” to get a job so its important to get to know your neighbors!

A hug or a handshake is one of the most important thing you can do to find a job.

And it feels good to the
giver & receiver…and it is free.

*********************************************************

SNOW DAY— GROW DAY?

Jeannie Fennell — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 00:30:13 +0000

Have you ever gotten a gift that you didn’t know exactly what to do with? You know it could be useful if you could just figure it out.

That’s just what I felt when I awoke to a snow filled world on Monday.

The world had stopped…

Of course I had heard it was coming but the reality that the world had “stopped” was different.

Suddenly I had a whole day or more open with all my plans put on hold. No places to go and nothing to do. It really felt strange but somehow exciting. What could I do with this gift of time?

I thought about all the many times I had complained about having too much to do and all the times I had wished I could go back to bed. How often had I said that I didn’t have time to do something? I have often felt like I didn’t have enough time.

Yet when “free time “was given to me, I was a little lost. But on vacation. I could easily do little all day and feel great about it. Why was this different? I know I could fill it up with household chores but that didn’t seem right. It felt like a time to do something different that would mark this special; not just marking time until I could get back to life as usual.

This was a gift that I wasn’t sure how to unwrap.

And then I remembered a friend who was a high level manger who regularly scheduled a “Pajama Day”.

She didn’t get out of her jammies all day and did only things that were relaxing- no guilt & no chores. She said those days made it possible to continue with her otherwise hectic life.

So what would it be like to have a “mini-vacation’? How about a nap at 11:00 or lunch of cookies at 3:00? What if I only did things that felt good even if I was “wasting time “?

What a radical idea!

So a little awkwardly, I proceeded. Some of the ”shoulds” lingered but they left when I got excited about doing something different even if was to just prove I could. It was amazing how easily my day flowed as I just asked myself. ”What so you feel like doing now?” Some of the answers were surprising like when I decided to watch some daytime TV…but all opened up some pocket of permission At the end of the day, I felt really good…renewed and relaxed and ready to make this a habit.

So now part of my New Years Intentions is to have more “Snow Days/Grow Days” even if it summer!

I think I’ll buy some new pajamas to make them official.

Thank You for Being in My Life

Jeannie Fennell — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 22:04:09 +0000

” If the only prayer you ever say is Thank You , that is enough.” Meister Eckhart

Dear Friends,

This is just to say thank you for being in my life….as friends,clients. or maybe someone I have never met.I do consider everyone on my address list as a friend…even if you are people I have not met face to face.

I am grateful to have you in my life.
This year, I have had the privilege of working with many people going thru major life transitions and their courage and resilience has been an inspiration to me.I think one the great gifts of living a while is to realize that we do have the strength to get thru tough times.. we have done it before.

We are all going thru times of change but remember we all come from hardy stock.I am reminded of our relatives who certainly went thru many times of difficulty and passed their strength on to us.I think of my grandmother & my mother who both found themselves having to make a living for themselves & their children when they had never done so before.They did what they had to do with grace and lots of sweat! And were always grateful for the life and love that they had and shared with others.

How can we not do the same?
I’m sure you there are people you know who are like that too.
Surely,we all have a heritage that has both survived and thrived & so can we.I am grateful to remember that.
Sometimes the gifts I get from a “growing experience ” are the ones that really last,
although I usually can’t see it at the time!

I have always really liked the idea of Thanksgiving.It is special to me not only because I love to eat but because it seems very wonderful for a nation to set aside a special day each year to give thanks.So wherever we come from, we can take a few minutes to be grateful for all we have and all those who touch our lives.

And so I want to let you know that I am grateful to you for staying on my list,for reading what I send to you and for giving me feedback.I am also very grateful that you ask me to support you by becoming a client,a workshop participant or taking the time to write a comment to me.

So, just know that you are appreciated and valued.
Thank you for enriching my life…and pass the turkey!

Jeannie

WITH A SONG IN HER HEART

Jeannie Fennell — Wed, 17 Nov 2010 22:06:01 +0000

Meet Cindy Thomson, a woman who reclaimed her dream and inspires us to remember that is never too late to spread some joy.

Cindy has just recorded her first CD & on 11/14 she is having a CD release party party with the live band who recorded with her. It will be a great way to applaud her and her dream. (See info in sidebar). We hear that Tommy Tomlinson columnist for the Charlotte Observer will be there to write a story about her journey.

She did what she had to do.

Like many single moms, Cindy did what she had to do to support her two kids. She went back to college to finish her degree in accounting, rather than one in music, as she really wanted. . She sang when she could but never felt that she could pursue a music career. Her dream was put up and put off. But dreams are persistent & she finally got her chance and took it.

Now was the time…Music was calling.

She was laided off last year and tried to get another accounting job but music kept calling her. As a boomer and grandmother, she realized that if she was ever going to do it, now was the time. She felt that she needed to do this for herself and others like her who had had to put their dreams aside.

“With some coaching & family support, I finally began to believe that I deserved to do what I really wanted to do. I have never been so happy”.

And as often happens when we take a risk, many unexpected sources of support …like the Grammy nominated musicians, an outstanding producer and the superb sound studio…came to assist her. Her mother’s lovely artwork is on the CD cover.And so she created a CD.

THE SWEET THINGS IN LIFE CD is full of uplifting music and old favorites because Cindy feels we all need a lift these days. These songs have been a good reminder of hope for many year

And so in sharing the song that has always been in her heart, Cindy has put a song in our lives. And what a sweet thing that is.

PEOPLE WITH PURPOSE & PASSION

Jeannie Fennell — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 20:56:50 +0000

MEET SOME AMAZING WOMEN !

I am so fortunate in my work and life because many people I meet are making a difference simply because they have purpose and passion…and love to share it!

Part of my business is coaching entrepreneurs, some in the beginning of their dream & others who are growing their business and their life. And, SOULO,the entrepreneur mastermind group I have been facilitating for 8 years, has introduced me to many more of these purposed passionate people. These people may not always get the spotlight, but they shine a bright light all around. I think you would like to meet them.

Carolyn Cook, a great example of taking your knowledge and making life better for others, created LiveSmartDesign to modify houses for people with physical challenges to stay in their homes. Sometimes people can’t sell their homes or don’t want to move, yet their houses are no longer safe or functional for them. Carolyn helps change their situation with her business.

Carolyn was a senior designer for an architectural firm when she was laid off at the same time as her husband. It was a scary time, but she decided that it was the perfect time to launch her business idea. She took courses in business & green building, got her Aging In Place Certification, and attended many meetings to learn what was needed in our community.

She also joined SOULO and shared her experiences. Now she teaches a course on “Aging in Place Design” for Central Piedmont Community College (CPCC). Carolyn is wonderful example of a woman who refused to be put on the shelf and is making sure to share her experiences so others have the same opportunity.

Another person who turned her layoff into a new service with purpose and passion is Rev Ellizabeth Hyland She was a Presbyterian Chaplin working in a large medical center when she was laid off. She experienced firsthand the stress, isolation and depression that a job loss can generate. She began to do something about it by organizing the inspirational, “From Stress to Success” seminars. These were very successful and helpful to unemployed folks. (A gift to me was sharing in the experience because I was one the speakers.)

Then she wrote a book, Surviving The Unemployment Roller Coaster: From Stress to Success, about her experiences and now is a spiritual coach for job seekers. You can get her book & lots helpful hints on her website: Elizabeth Hyland webbiste

Elizabeth, with her example and her work, is changing the lives of many.

And people with purpose & passion inspire me to do the same…thank you..

MIDLIFE, MILES AND MIRACLES

Jeannie Fennell — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:03:56 +0000

This is a story about a midlife crisis that resulted in internal and external miracles…and the many miles that were traveled along the way.

Midlife crisis is usually joked about as the time when people buy the fancy sports and find a young, good-looking person to ride in it. But even if you don’t approach this time in that way, midlife is certainly a time to reexamine your life, make some big changes and perhaps go in a different direction.

This is the story about how one woman is doing that & is inspiring others to create their own “new journey”.

The Inner Journey

About three years ago, Soulo Entrepreneurs member, Tamela Rich came to me to help her deal with the loss of her business and to help her find a new career direction. Tamela did a lot of inner work to connect with what she really wanted to do. She had long loved to write but had, like many of us, not seen using her talent as a viable business. But as she connected with her passion, her energy returned and doors began to open for her.

She created a successful business writing for financial markets. And after having dealt with her own crisis, she decided to write about the trade offs everyone must make in life. With the financial meltdown still playing out, she’s researching the book by talking to financial traders across the country about their trade offs – personally and professionally.

She also wanted to have some fun, live a dream, and make a difference…All great midlife goals

So next week, she will start riding across the country to conduct her research, not in a shiny sports car, but on a shiny new motorcycle. Along the way she’ll be raising money for The National Breast Cancer Foundation.

The Outer Journey

Of course, there were a few obstacles to realizing her dream. Minor ones like she had never ridden a motorcycle.

She had little money of her own, didn’t know many people around the country, and a few other “minor” challenges.

Oh yeah, and she didn’t have a motorcycle or the means to buy on

And some people who asked her, “What are you thinking? “ and other discouraging remarks.

The Dream

But she had a dream and out of that dream has come some miracles –like the new BMW motorcycle and the dozens of “little” sponsorships from friends. strangers and businesses across the country. In the spirit of “If you build it, they will come,” her dream is coming tru

Biker Babe

And on June 26, she will start her “outward journey” with lots of support. plenty of contacts, a book contract and a new bike. In the process, she has inspired all of us to reconnect with our passions and find a way to make a difference in the world…especially our own.

Tamela gives a new meaning to “You Rock, Biker Babe!

You can follow Tamela’s travels on Roadtrip.TamelaRich.com

Lookit! I’m on TV!

Jeannie Fennell — Tue, 25 May 2010 21:27:44 +0000

I had the wonderful fortune to be interviewed by WCNC /

Channel 36,reporter, Bobby Sisk, for my support group called “The Bucket Brigade ” for people who are unemployed or in some type of transition.The article was also featured in 5/23 Charlotte

Observer Business section.

It was a little scary to do and of course when I saw myself on t.v. , I was surprised at how I looked .But it was also fun and exciting and I hope that it will help some of the folks who are stressed and need some support.

It’s the part of being laid off many people don’t expect: the emotional toll it takes to lose one job and then look for another.

That’s where Dr. Jeannie Fennell of tries to help. A psychologist, she started a job support group last November called the Bucket Brigade.

“I realized there was a lot of help for resume writing, but not a lot for what is the stress part and the toll it takes on you physically and emotionally,” she said.

The group meets the first and third Wednesday of each month at Julia’s Coffee in the Habitat for Humanity ReStore on Wendover Road. At this week’s meeting, six job seekers showed up and talked openly about the emotional process of figuring out what’s next.

“I worked in nonprofit for 12 years,” said 63-year-old Cindy Thomson.

Laid off last April, Thomson says she understood why her agency had to make cuts, but she still felt like she’d been rejected.

“I’m not that far from retirement age, so I say if you’re my age and you get laid off, you might be retired,” she said, laughing.

Thomson has attended the meetings since they started and finds the candid discussions helpful.

“I don’t do well at home by myself. My batteries will run down. I like to be around people so this group really helps,” she said.

Fennell said, “I hope that eventually this group goes away and that we don’t really need this anymore.”

But with more layoffs — this time in county government and schools — she expects the need to increase.

People with Great Courage

“I’m just very, very, very fortunate to be able to do this and be with these people and hear their stories. They are people with great courage,” Fennell said.

Fennell knows the pain of a pink slip firsthand. Before going back to school to get her doctorate in psychology, she worked as a recruiter and in human resources. She has hired and been fired.

“I often say I’ve been the person on both sides of the desk – the person looking for work and the person employed. In fact, when I moved to Charlotte, within about two months of being relocated by a company, I got laid off. I didn’t know anybody and it was really a tough time,” she said.

At each meeting a bucket is placed in the center of the table. Thomson says the message it sends is two-fold.

“One thing is you put doubts and fears and impatience in the bucket and leave it. And with the Bucket Brigade, there’s the analogy of throwing water on a fire and it takes a lot of people to pass the bucket, so we can all communicate with each other and understand what we’re all going through,” she said.