“People are like stained glass windows.Sparkle & shine when the sun shines but when it is dark, you only see the beauty if there is light within

History is really on my mind now with Black History month just passed, Women’s History in March this month & in own birthday coming up soon. All of these make me reflect what history and heroes really are. In the midst of living our lives we don’t often see the things we are doing with much  appreciation  of they really mean.

For many of us, when we think of our own history, it appears to be a story of missed opportunities, wrong turns and failures.Yet when we learn about others people’s history,we often see their struggles as very important parts of the story. But of course, living thru those challenges doesn’t seem very inspiring at the time.

Just doing what needs to be done.

Just doing what needs to be done seems very ordinary when you are the one doing it but very important to the people it affects. Rosa Parks said she just wanted to sit down on the bus after a long day at work. Betty Friedan just wrote a book ( The Feminine Mystique ) about housewives like herself that help to start  the Women’s movement

Her “cloudy lens” story.

Recently a client gave a great example of how our own views are often cloudy.

She had quit her unfulfilling job to start her own business when her husband was laid off. She tried to keep her business going but soon realized that it was not going to support her family and the stress was causing lots of problems. So she went back to her previous profession to get some money coming in and put her dream of her own business on hold.

Like so many of us, she felt she was just “doing what needed to be done”.

Yet, as she told me her story, it was filled with self-criticism of what she should have done and the mistakes she felt she had made. She was crying as she told it.

I suggested that she was seeing it thru a “cloudy lens” ‘and that she could

re-write her story to focus on the effect of what she had done…saving her family. And that is a very big deal to them.

My own history and inheritance.

I know this story very well as my mother did the same thing. She went to work for the first time at age 42 and eventually opened a business as a way to support us when my father became ill. Her courage and willingness to do  “what needed to be done ” are the best inheritance I have.

A New Story

As I retold my client’s  story, from new  point of view, her tears stopped  and she begin to smile.

“What a gift…and a relief- to see it thru  other eyes. I never thought of it that way. I think I’ll change my story,” she said.

This long-term effect is huge…. Rosa Parks  just sat on a bus, Betty Friedan just wrote a book, but both of these ordinary acts changed our lives.

What Heros Are

Hero are not born, I think, but are often ordinary people who just do what needs to be done and in doing that, give the rest of us a much different and better history.

So I hope you will write yourself  a new story.

I’d love to hear it.

So that’s my story and I ‘m  sticking to it.

And I hope you will too.

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1. PEOPLE WITH PURPOSE & PASSION
2. Down the Rabbit Hole and Back Again
3. Transitions…Endings & Beginnings

That’s just what I felt when I awoke to a snow filled world on Monday.

The world had stopped…

Of course I had heard it was coming but the reality that the world had “stopped” was different.

Suddenly I had a whole day or more open with all my plans put on hold. No places to go and nothing to do. It really felt strange but somehow exciting. What could I do with this gift of time?

I thought about all the many times I had complained about having too much to do and all the times I had wished I could go back to bed. How often had I said that I didn’t have time to do something? I have often felt like I didn’t have enough time.

Yet when “free time “was given to me, I was a little lost. But on vacation. I could easily do little all day and feel great about it. Why was this different? I know I could fill it up with household chores but that didn’t seem right. It felt like a time to do something different that would mark this special; not just marking time until I could get back to life as usual.

This was a gift that I wasn’t sure how to unwrap.

And then I remembered a friend who was a high level manger who regularly scheduled a “Pajama Day”.

She didn’t get out of her jammies all day and did only things that were relaxing- no guilt & no chores. She said those days made it possible to continue with her otherwise hectic life.

So what would it be like to have a “mini-vacation’? How about a nap at 11:00 or lunch of cookies at 3:00? What if I only did things that felt good even if I was “wasting time “?

What a radical idea!

So a little awkwardly, I proceeded. Some of the ”shoulds” lingered but they left when I got excited about doing something different even if was to just prove I could. It was amazing how easily my day flowed as I just asked myself. ”What so you feel like doing now?” Some of the answers were surprising like when I decided to watch some daytime TV…but all opened up some pocket of permission At the end of the day, I felt really good…renewed and relaxed and ready to make this a habit.

So now part of my New Years Intentions is to have more “Snow Days/Grow Days” even if it summer!

I think I’ll buy some new pajamas to make them official.

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3. MIDLIFE, MILES AND MIRACLES

This is a story about a midlife crisis that resulted in internal and external miracles…and the many miles that were traveled along the way.

Midlife crisis is usually joked about as the time when people buy the fancy sports and find a young, good-looking person to ride in it. But even if you don’t approach this time in that way, midlife is certainly a time to reexamine your life, make some big changes and perhaps go in a different direction.

This is the story about how one woman is doing that & is inspiring others to create their own “new journey”.

The Inner Journey

About three years ago, Soulo Entrepreneurs member, Tamela Rich came to me to help her deal with the loss of her business and to help her find a new career direction. Tamela did a lot of inner work to connect with what she really wanted to do. She had long loved to write but had, like many of us, not seen using her talent as a viable business. But as she connected with her passion, her energy returned and doors began to open for her.

She created a successful business writing for financial markets. And after having dealt with her own crisis, she decided to write about the trade offs everyone must make in life. With the financial meltdown still playing out, she’s researching the book by talking to financial traders across the country about their trade offs  – personally and professionally.

She also wanted to have some fun, live a dream, and make a difference…All great midlife goals

So next week, she will start riding across the country to conduct her research, not in a shiny sports car, but on a shiny new motorcycle. Along the way she’ll be raising money for The National Breast Cancer Foundation.

The Outer Journey

Of course, there were a few obstacles to realizing her dream. Minor ones like she had never ridden a motorcycle.

She had little money of her own, didn’t know many people around the country, and a few other “minor”  challenges.

Oh yeah, and she didn’t have a motorcycle or the means to buy on

And some people who asked her,  “What are you thinking? “ and other discouraging remarks.

The Dream

But she had a dream and out of that dream has come some miracles –like the new BMW motorcycle and the dozens of “little” sponsorships from friends. strangers and businesses across the country. In the spirit of “If you build it, they will come,” her dream is coming tru

Biker Babe

And on June 26, she will start her “outward journey” with lots of support. plenty of contacts, a book contract and a new bike. In the process, she has inspired all of us to reconnect with our passions and find a way to make a difference in the world…especially our own.

Tamela gives a new meaning to “You Rock, Biker Babe!

You can follow Tamela’s travels on  Roadtrip.TamelaRich.com

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A sacred place to rediscover women’s spirituality and wisdom using rhythm.

No Experience Necessary!

Love Offering Accepted.

UPCOMING DATES: MAY 14TH & JUNE 25

7:00-9:00 pm

Contact me for location.

For 2 years I have hosted a free drumming circle in the summer. This circle is facilitated by Belinda Haverdill, http://www.belindahaverdill.com/ a counselor & a member of Soulo entrepreneur’s group. She wanted to have the drumming be outside and I volunteered my back porch. I’ve enjoyed it a lot & met some great women.

I really appreciate having Belinda organize it and I just get to be a participant; a welcome change of pace for me.

I’m really not a drummer but I like to make noise so I have lots of rattles and other toys to play with. I find it a great way to release stress and have some fun.

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This month we celebrate Black History month and next month, Women’s History month. So I have been thinking about my own history as an entrepreneur and woman in transition and what it means to me.

I notice that I want to “re-live” the successes of the past and hold on to them as a guide for the future. And even though I know that the times are very different now, I find it challenging to change my thinking about my history and look at the new world I am in.

I want it RIGHT NOW.

Sometimes, what once “was” gets in the way of being in the present. Having to change so quickly is upsetting and I want what was secure. I like beginnings but am not so sure about endings. And I really don’t like the dark hallways in between,

I want things to change and change for the better RIGHT NOW.

The Grief of Endings.

Recently one of my clients brought this type of experience to my attention as she cried over having to close part of her previously successful business. She said she kept thinking of how it used to be and was angry and sad that it is gone and said she could not imagine having to starting again.

I realized that she is going thru a grief process where anger and depression are normal stages and that until that is complete, she cannot move on.

We think of grief as only appropriate when a person dying but when part of our work or any other part of our life ends, it is a great loss …not only the money but the dreams, the security, the sense of safety and the identity.

But in order to have beginnings, we have to have endings so I suggested that she create a ceremony to release her business.She could then honor the tangible as well as the intangibles that her business gave her .It had given her much and it deserved an honoring at the end.

Rituals help us let go

Rituals and ceremony can be very powerful in creating appropriate endings…giving us a way to respect our history and mark an ending while celebrating what was.

She did create a ceremony where she burned some business cards, and other  symbols, buried the ashes and then planted flowers there. And yes, she cried but it was cleansing. She said that it was a major step in releasing and going forward. Although grief is a long-term process, she created an ending so she can have a beginning…and her action moved her of out the dark hallway.

Most of us need to do the same in some place in our lives.

And as more of us have to change our work & our lives, it is important and freeing to release the old ways with gratitude and yes, some tears.

In honoring our history, we can appreciate it without it weighing us down.

So if your work or your life has “transitioned”, bless what it gave you and set yourself free to create a new path.

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Season’s Greetings, Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, Celebrate Kwanzaa, Happy Holidays, Solstice Salutations, Feliz Navidad. However you celebrate it, I wish you a wonderful Season of Light.

In every tradition, we commemorate the end of the darkest & longest days and the beginning of a time of more sunlight. We light candles and have “sparkly things” that reflect the lights and represent more sun. Throughout the world, this time is acknowledged in many different traditions but they all include special food, lights and gifts.

But most important, it is a time for moving into a “lighter” space and joyously celebrating our connections to each other and the earth.

A NEW YEAR With New Traditions

For many people, it is also a New Year and a time for new beginnings. A time to reflect on what is meaningful and to pay attention to what is important to us …. and to vow to remember those things more. In that spirit, I want to share this excerpt from “A Christmas Story “ by Truman Capote*.

Remember What is Important

The speaker is Sook, Truman’s elderly and disabled aunt who teaches us about life in her simple and profound way. Whatever your holiday or religious tradition, I think we can all learn from her words to remember what is really important and appreciate the gifts we already have.

On a cold and empty Christmas afternoon Sook exclaims to young Truman:

” ‘My, how foolish I am!’ she cries, suddenly alert, like a woman remembering too late she has biscuits in the oven. “You know what I’ve always thought?” she asks in a tone of discovery, and not smiling at me but a point beyond. “I’ve always thought a body would have to be sick and dying before they saw the Lord. And I imagined that when He came it would be like looking at the church window…pretty as colored glass with the sun shining through, such a shine you don’t know it’s getting dark. And it’s been a comfort, to think of that shine takes away all the spooky feeling. But I’ll wager it never happens. I’ll wager at the very end a body realizes he has already shown Himself.” Her hand circled in a gesture that gathered clouds and kites and grass and Queenie, our dog, pawing earth over her bone, ” “That things as they are, just what they’ve always been, was seeing Him. As for me, I could leave the world with today in my eyes. “

So in this special season, let us see it all with Sook’s eyes. I hope this season brings you much light and love.

(*Truman Capote, A Christmas Memory, Modern Library, 1996)

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