Down the Rabbit Hole and Back Again

LifeLearnings…Musings and Perspectives on our changing times

Remember what happened to Alice in Wonderland?

She fell down a rabbit hole into a strange land where the rules didn’t make sense and the all the signposts were backwards.

Alice kept asking for help to find her way but got confusing instructions. The queen of the land threatened to take off her head if Alice didn’t follow orders, but the orders were impossible to execute.

Over the last year or so,I have been feeling like Alice. The world seemed crazy. And I know many who feel the same. We have fallen down a hole and can’t get out. The signposts don’t make any sense. The landscape is different. What we are “supposed” to do is impossible and real directions seemed hard to find.

But as I have stumbled around myself and have helped others navigate through their changes, I have found out something very helpful and comforting.

That something is my essential self.

What’s the essential self? Our heart and our soul — those parts of us that are our character, are the same. They have not changed, no matter what else has. The essential self is as distinctive as the shape of our head or the way we walk. Whatever happened externally, the inside is much the same. On the inside is our values, our integrity and yes, our quirks and eccentric ways. Whatever made us valuable and unique is still there and usable, even if dented and scratched.

Whew..Realizing that was a great relief. I can count on those things within me that I have honed over my lifetime…they are not going to desert me. I can feel safe. I have only lost the outside stuff, not what is really valuable.

Realizing this, a quiet joy began to emerge because while everything else can be replaced or discarded, I, the essential me, will never go away.

And while I’m not grinning like the Cheshire Cat, I am smiling more and that’s a good sign. And yes, as the song says.”Still crazy after all these years” and I refuse to lose that.

And I hope you are the same.

Transitions…Endings & Beginnings

ENDINGS, BEGINNINGS & THE SOMETIMES DARK HALLWAYS IN-BETWEN

This month we celebrate Black History month and next month, Women’s History month. So I have been thinking about my own history as an entrepreneur and woman in transition and what it means to me.

I notice that I want to “re-live” the successes of the past and hold on to them as a guide for the future. And even though I know that the times are very different now, I find it challenging to change my thinking about my history and look at the new world I am in.

I want it RIGHT NOW.

Sometimes, what once “was” gets in the way of being in the present. Having to change so quickly is upsetting and I want what was secure. I like beginnings but am not so sure about endings. And I really don’t like the dark hallways in between,

I want things to change and change for the better RIGHT NOW.

The Grief of Endings.

Recently one of my clients brought this type of experience to my attention as she cried over having to close part of her previously successful business. She said she kept thinking of how it used to be and was angry and sad that it is gone and said she could not imagine having to starting again.

I realized that she is going thru a grief process where anger and depression are normal stages and that until that is complete, she cannot move on.

We think of grief as only appropriate when a person dying but when part of our work or any other part of our life ends, it is a great loss …not only the money but the dreams, the security, the sense of safety and the identity.

But in order to have beginnings, we have to have endings so I suggested that she create a ceremony to release her business.She could then honor the tangible as well as the intangibles that her business gave her .It had given her much and it deserved an honoring at the end.

Rituals help us let go

Rituals and ceremony can be very powerful in creating appropriate endings…giving us a way to respect our history and mark an ending while celebrating what was.

She did create a ceremony where she burned some business cards, and other  symbols, buried the ashes and then planted flowers there. And yes, she cried but it was cleansing. She said that it was a major step in releasing and going forward. Although grief is a long-term process, she created an ending so she can have a beginning…and her action moved her of out the dark hallway.

Most of us need to do the same in some place in our lives.

And as more of us have to change our work & our lives, it is important and freeing to release the old ways with gratitude and yes, some tears.

In honoring our history, we can appreciate it without it weighing us down.

So if your work or your life has “transitioned”, bless what it gave you and set yourself free to create a new path.

Happy New Year! Start It Right…

WHAT WILL THIS YEAR BE FOR YOU?

You know that every new year you say...

This will be the year I will….

·Get healthy/lose weight ·Find a new job

·Save Money ·Get Organized ·Start my new business

·Have a great relationship

Yet somehow it doesn’t happen.

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LOOK AT ME. I’M DRIVING A FERRARI!

Well I finally did it. I‘ve moved from a regular website to a blogsite and it has certainly stirred me up.

When my colleague, brilliant writer, & Soulo member  Tamela Rich did the same thing some time ago she commented that she felt like an Amish woman who had just been given a Ferrari. And wow, she was so right. I feel like I have gone from a quiet comfortable place to live (a regular website) into an alternative universe – blogging– and I am not sure I can fit in here. I’m sure for many people this would be a ho hum experience but for a “technologically disadvantaged’ person like me, it is a big step.

Lessons Learned

I learned a lot about myself during this move, most of which gives me more empathy for what my clients in transition face. Like many clients who want to make a shift in their lives, I both loved and feared the move to a blogsite. I loved the idea of the possibilities of blogging  but when confronted with the reality of what I need to do, all my fears and insecurities come swirling up like ghosts at Halloween.

Can I really learn how to do this? Will it be worth the time & money? Will anyone read it anyway?  On and on and on. I scare myself with old fears and made up monsters. By the time I am finished with my “haunted house” I want to hide under the bed & never come out.

But of course, I finally have to emerge and look around.

How ironic that I teach others how to calm their fears but let the monsters get to me. I am just like everyone else…I scare myself with “what ifs”. It certainly gives me more insight into what fear can do and how energy sucking it can be. I know that this is not a life-threatening situation but it is amazing how invasive it becomes.

When I get a little perspective on it, I realize that these “fear ghosts” are what we all feel when we take a risk or move away from our comfort zones.

Since we often teach what we need to learn, I realized I need to apply that to myself. So I talk to myself just like I do my clients (glad no one can hear me!) to remember that I have learned many other things in my life, that I have what I tell others they need — a great support team in Tamela & Andy  Ciordia (the blog tech guru) of Nuance Labs Consulting  and that I will love getting comments from people. When I focus on these things, it really helps. I’m not driving much yet but I am in the car.

And I think I really look good in a Ferrari.