• Home
• Meet Jeannie Fennell
  • Contact Dr. Jeannie Fennell
• Newsletter/Blog
  • Site Archive
• Transitions Support
• Coaching & Counseling
  • Clear Path Coaching
  • Work and Life Balance
• Testimonials

“PINK HOUSES,PALACES & PRODUCE “

“You can never have enough of what you don’t really want”

 

It all started with 12 cans of tomatoes. On a cold rainy Saturday, I decided it was time to clean out my pantry. It seemed like a good thing to do, as my social calendar was blank. So I set to work and felt very vitreous.

   12 Cans of Tomatoes?

That was, until I found 12 cans of various tomato products in my pantry. What in the world was I doing with 12 cans of tomatoes?

How did that happen? I like tomatoes but I can’t use 12 cans for a long time… what was I thinking? Obviously not much! It was mindless buying with little thought.

Hummm.. it seem like I’ve heard those words before. How often have I bought “stuff” because it was on sale or thought it was a quick feel better fix ? Finding all those tomatoes stacked before me caused me to think about questions I’ve been struggling with recently. How much is too much? When is it enough? How much do I really need to feel satisfied and secure?

  Tough questions..

Tough questions for me with little answers. But since we are just past the “too much of everything” season, this seem like a good time to explore them.

The question of “what is enough?” was stirred up with me while reading Geneen Roth’s best selling book,

“Lost and Found”.

She is best known for her books and work in the area of compulsive eating. But in this book, Geneen describes her life experiences after losing money with Bernie Maddoff’s investment scheme. The insightful information she provides  on “what is enough?” applies to money & stuff, as well as food.

And as often happens after a major loss, Geneen  began to explore what is really valuable in her life. Even after her financial loss, Geneen had what most of us would see as wealth. She began to realize that no matter how much of anything (money, food, clothes, clients, etc.) she had, it never felt rich enough for her.

Sometimes I have felt that way too.

An email from a friend in the Peace Corp working in Africa looked  at the same question. My friend lives in a small pink house (pictured above) without electricity or running water. At times, she felt frustrated by not having these things even though  she has one of the best houses in the village. She felt that way until she met an much older woman doing the same type of work as my friend but for another organization. This woman lived in a very small leaky old tent. After thinking  about this, my friend decided  her small pink house was really a “palace.” and  became deeply aware that she had plenty.

So it seems that no matter what you do or don’t have materially, we are all faced with the question :

What do  I need to feel content, satisfied and secure?  

  

A peaceful place in between.

I realize that I don’t often know…in part because I don’t stop to think about or to pay attention to what I already have. I don’t think living in deprivation or martyrdom works either because it makes you deny that you need anything. Denial is always a trap.

But surely there is a peaceful place in between. And I do enjoy many things that make my life easier & will fight  if you take my Ben & Jerry’s away.

 

 

But very,very slowly, I am finding that simply asking myself..”How much is enough? Makes me pause long enough to explore it. And usually I find that it is not the amount or even what I have, but the delight and appreciation of I have that is the fulfilling & satisfying part.

And I can never have too much of that, including gratitude for Cherry Garcia!

I really do live in a palace…and I’ll bet you do too.

STRENGTH FOR THE JOURNEY

 

“The only journey is the journey within.”

 

Wow- it was quite a trip! My recent vacation opened my eyes to many things…not only to the magnificent Rocky Mountains but the magnificent people who helped me get there. Most of them were complete strangers.

Not only was it a journey to a different place in the mountains but also a different place within me. Both locations were, at times, somewhat scary but very interesting.

 

The Great Old Broads have Style

 

In our hot NC summers, I like to go to somewhere cool so when I read about the Great Old Broads for the Wilderness trip to The Colorado Rockies, I was delighted. I could reconnect with an old friend in Denver and then camp out with the “Broads”. And be part of this amazing group dedicated to environmental causes as well as having fun. ”Libations for Happy Hour” were listed in instructions on what to bring….my kind of camping.

 

Those people are “Strangers”

 

The logistics of getting from Denver to the camp- 300+ miles away and getting gear across the country and other considerations seemed daunting but I kept thinking that somehow it could be done. I didn’t have a clue as to how.

 

Before I left, several people said ‘ “But you will be around strangers- you don’t know anyone in that group”. Little did I realize that this was a great advantage!

 

Exploring the Ins & Outs of Travel

 

I did find that one of the gifts of travel is to explore different places, including the ones you carry around inside of you.

 

Faking my strong woman act came young. I was raised to be very self-sufficient and take care of things myself. Early I learned to say the “Everything is just fine” line with the fake smile plastered on. And while this early training has been useful in many ways, it has also sometimes kept me from being truthful about what I was feeling and, of course, seldom asking for help. Sometimes, this has caused me to feel isolated and weary as I had to do it all myself.

 

The Kindness of Strangers

 

But on this trip, I truly began to learn to “rely on the kindness of strangers” because that was all that was around me. I had to ask for help regularly. And I also found that, just telling the truth about how I was feeling opened up vast amounts of support that I didn’t even know I wanted but loved having. And it connected me in very powerful ways.

 

 

The list of gifts, support & fun from folks I didn’t know is very long and I am very grateful for it all. The generosity still astounds me. From open arms hospitality from some one I had not seen in 15 years, to “taxi” service all over Denver, to a 600-mile ride, a hot shower and a stay in a luxury trailer, I was beautifully taken care of.

 

It’s Blowing In the Wind

 

But the best gift was how this trip showed me a part of myself that needed to be  “blown away ” by the mountain wind. It was time to let go of an old, worn out way of being.

 

It was time to give up the “I can do it myself ” act and leave it like a pair of hiking boots that don’t fit any more. I”m trading them in for support, comfort & a new style. The sense of freedom is as intoxicating as the mountain views.

 

It only took a 3000-mile trip for me to find out that sharing my journey is all it takes to turn strangers into friends. I’m never alone because strangers are everywhere.

 

Sometimes I’m a little slow…but I do finally get there.

 

Broads Help Each Other Cross a Stream

 

LET FREEDOM RING! Celebrate the Sparkles….

 

Free at last! I’m sure that is what I thought when I ran away from school in the first grade. I didn’t like all the rules and the kids were mean .So I just got my coat and started to walk toward home even though I had never walked that route before. One of my neighbors picked me up and took me home but it was several days before I went reluctantly back.And that was after the school  principal came to my house to talk with me.

So you can see that the need for freedom has been with me a long time and why celebration of it makes the 4^th of July a favorite holiday.

Founders of Freedom

I really identify with our country’s founders who wanted to have a say in how they lived their lives and were willing to fight for it. And like them, my need for that has often gotten me in trouble. But not trying to be free seems much worse.

And I also love how this holiday is celebrated with the simple joys of eating food outside, watching parades, and being dazzled by fireworks. It is all just relaxed fun even though the struggles we are honoring are often not.

Celebration and Fun

And so this newsletter is just for celebration and fun. I ‘ve  had a good time coming up with my “Declarations of Independence”  and  “Freedoms”. I hope you will make up your own and share them with me.

Jeannie’s Declarations of Independence

* I hereby declare myself free from Social Media Madness. I’d rather have  a real strawberry than a plastic blackberry; a hug from a real person is more  valuable than a thousand “likes” from people who don’t know me, much less like me.

* I hereby declare myself free from the “Health Numbers Boogey Man”. All the scare statistics about calories, cholesterol, weight, etc. try to make me fit into an “average”. So I’m not average and I’d rather treat my body as the amazing gift that it is instead of squashing it into someone’s need for numbers.

• I declare myself free form the “Doom & Gloom” Crowd: I can be depressed on my own, thank you, and don’t need to hear “Aint’t It Awful” again. Spending time & energy paying attention to that keeps me from appreciating what is good and from doing what I can to change things. And besides, it is boring.

 

And being free of all this gives me time to delight in the simple, corny things (yep, that’s me) that the makes life so good and worth celebrating:

 

-Freedom to eat what I want when I want it, like ice cream at 2:00 am

-Freedom to read sleazy novels with no socially redeeming plot at all

-Freedom to turn up the music and loudly sing off key

-Freedom to say silly, goofy things to the people & pets I love

 

And most of all, freedom to write this newsletter just like I want it and to say what is in my head and in my heart. And know you will receive it in the same way. And you will join me in celebrating this amazing country that, in spite of all the challenges, was founded freedom for all.

And as we celebrate this, be sure to enjoy the delicious, beautiful sparkly fireworks inside all of us, just yearning to be set free.

Please pass the watermelon!

 

 

 

 

J

 

IT’S MY STORY AND I’M STICKING TO IT.

“People are like stained glass windows.Sparkle & shine when the sun shines but when it is dark, you only see the beauty if there is light within.”   Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

 

History is really on my mind now with Black History month just passed, Women’s History in March this month & in own birthday coming up soon. All of these make me reflect what history and heroes really are. In the midst of living our lives we don’t often see the things we are doing with much  appreciation  of they really mean.

For many of us, when we think of our own history, it appears to be a story of missed opportunities, wrong turns and failures.Yet when we learn about others people’s history,we often see their struggles as very important parts of the story. But of course, living thru those challenges doesn’t seem very inspiring at the time.

Just doing what needs to be done.

Just doing what needs to be done seems very ordinary when you are the one doing it but very important to the people it affects. Rosa Parks said she just wanted to sit down on the bus after a long day at work. Betty Friedan just wrote a book ( The Feminine Mystique ) about housewives like herself that help to start  the Women’s movement

Her “cloudy lens” story.

Recently a client gave a great example of how our own views are often cloudy.

She had quit her unfulfilling job to start her own business when her husband was laid off. She tried to keep her business going but soon realized that it was not going to support her family and the stress was causing lots of problems. So she went back to her previous profession to get some money coming in and put her dream of her own business on hold.

Like so many of us, she felt she was just “doing what needed to be done”.

Yet, as she told me her story, it was filled with self-criticism of what she should have done and the mistakes she felt she had made. She was crying as she told it.

I suggested that she was seeing it thru a “cloudy lens” ‘and that she could

re-write her story to focus on the effect of what she had done…saving her family. And that is a very big deal to them.

My own history and inheritance.

I know this story very well as my mother did the same thing. She went to work for the first time at age 42 and eventually opened a business as a way to support us when my father became ill. Her courage and willingness to do  “what needed to be done ” are the best inheritance I have.

A New Story

As I retold my client’s  story, from new  point of view, her tears stopped  and she begin to smile.

“What a gift…and a relief- to see it thru  other eyes. I never thought of it that way. I think I’ll change my story,” she said.

This long-term effect is huge…. Rosa Parks  just sat on a bus, Betty Friedan just wrote a book, but both of these ordinary acts changed our lives.

What Heros Are

Hero are not born, I think, but are often ordinary people who just do what needs to be done and in doing that, give the rest of us a much different and better history.

So I hope you will write yourself  a new story.

I’d love to hear it.

So that’s my story and I ‘m  sticking to it.

And I hope you will too.

 

WITH A SONG IN HER HEART

Meet Cindy Thomson, a woman who reclaimed her dream and inspires us to remember that is never too late to spread some joy.

Cindy has just recorded her first CD & on 11/14 she is having a CD release party party     with the live band who recorded with her. It will be a great way to applaud her and her dream. (See info in sidebar). We hear that Tommy Tomlinson columnist for the Charlotte Observer will be there to write a story about her journey.

She did what she had to do.

Like many single moms, Cindy did what she had to do to support her two kids. She went back to college to finish her degree in accounting, rather than one in music, as she really wanted. . She sang when she could but never felt that she could pursue a music career. Her dream was put up and put off. But dreams are persistent & she finally got her chance and took it.

Now was the time…Music was calling.

She was laided off last year and tried to get another accounting job but music kept calling her. As a boomer and grandmother, she realized that if she was ever going to do it, now was the time. She felt that she needed to do this for herself and others like her who had had to put their dreams aside.

“With some coaching & family support, I finally began to believe that I deserved to do what I really wanted to do. I have never been so happy”.

And as often happens when we take a risk, many unexpected sources of support …like the Grammy nominated musicians, an outstanding producer and the superb sound studio…came to assist her. Her mother’s lovely artwork is on the CD cover.And so she created a CD.

THE SWEET THINGS IN LIFE CD is full of uplifting music and old favorites because Cindy feels we all need a lift these days. These songs have been a good reminder of hope for many year

And so in sharing the song that has always been in her heart, Cindy has put a song in our lives. And what a sweet thing that is.

Want to Get Something Done ? Get Some Old Broads to Do It!

Having Fun + Making a Difference

The Gift of Fog Woman

In August, I took an amazing trip on a ferry up the coast of Alaska. We stopped at some of the small towns along the way and I became fascinated with the tradition of totem poles. They are stunningly beautiful but also tell stories about culture.

I learned about a totem named for
Fog Woman, a mythical woman who ushers in salmon with the fog to feed her people and keep them safe.

I decided that I wanted to find a small replica of the Fog Woman totem  to take back with me as a special symbol. I found a small hand carved totem and now it sits now on my desk. Little did I know how powerful that would soon be for me!

Tired and a little down when I returned, I figured this is to be expected after such a trip. When my fatigue and low mood did not change after a couple of weeks, I became concerned. I also felt like I was really wandering around in the proverbial “fog “.
(So o.k., maybe I am usually like that but this was a lot, even for me!)

As I explored the roots of this feeling, I realized I felt like a salmon swimming upstream, and it was very tiring.  I wrote it off to September being a busy time for me and kept going. Eventually, I had a routine physical exam which showed nothing wrong. Yet, my inner self whispered a different message.

Finally paying attention to the inner voice, I consulted a wonderful holistic practitioner who said, “Your mind, heart and spirit are so strong that you don’t realize that your body cannot always keep up.” As soon as she said this, I knew it was true and was exactly what I had needed to hear. I had been getting these messages but didn’t want to hear them. At some level it was a relief because she confirmed what my body had been telling me. Now  I was ready to listen.

I remembered that about 3 years ago I felt I wanted to to slow down a bit and play more. But when the recession and the accompanying fear hit, I ramped back up and just kept pushing.  Clearly now my body was saying that I need to go back to my original plan and re-prioritize how to spend my energy.

Amazing that a small wooden image had the perfect message for me! Fog Woman showed that the gifts of abundance can come out of a fog.  I don’t need to always “push the river” and be afraid that I won’t have what I need. Wonderful things come to me when I relax and operate not out of fear and scarcity but out of peace and reflection. Look what gifts I was given from this trip.

And yes, I am a little less “foggy” now …back to my normal level anyway and am feeling much renewed and restored.
Who knew a vacation could do so much…I think I’ll plan another one soon.

PEOPLE WITH PURPOSE & PASSION

MEET SOME AMAZING WOMEN !

I am so fortunate in my work and life because many people I meet are making a difference simply because they have purpose and passion…and love to share it!

Part of my business is coaching entrepreneurs, some in the beginning of their dream & others who are growing their business and their life. And, SOULO,the entrepreneur mastermind group I have been facilitating for 8 years, has introduced me to many more of these purposed passionate people. These people may not always get the spotlight, but they shine a bright light all around. I think you would like to meet them.

Carolyn Cook, a great example of taking your knowledge and making life better for others, created LiveSmartDesign to modify houses for people with physical challenges to stay in their homes. Sometimes people can’t sell their homes or don’t want to move, yet their houses are no longer safe or functional for them. Carolyn helps change their situation with her business.

Carolyn was a senior designer for an architectural firm when she was laid off at the same time as her husband. It was a scary time, but she decided that it was the perfect time to launch her business idea. She took courses in business & green building, got her Aging In Place Certification, and attended many meetings to learn what was needed in our community.

She also joined SOULO and shared her experiences. Now she teaches a course on “Aging in Place Design” for Central Piedmont Community College (CPCC). Carolyn is wonderful example of a woman who refused to be put on the shelf and is making sure to share her experiences so others have the same opportunity.

Another person who turned her layoff into a new service with purpose and passion is  Rev Ellizabeth Hyland She was a Presbyterian Chaplin working in a large medical center when she was laid off. She experienced firsthand the stress, isolation and depression that a job loss can generate. She began to do something about it by organizing the inspirational, “From Stress to Success” seminars. These were very successful and helpful to unemployed folks. (A gift to me was sharing in the experience because I was one the speakers.)

Then she wrote a book, Surviving The Unemployment Roller Coaster: From Stress to Success, about her experiences and now is a spiritual coach for job seekers. You can get her book & lots helpful hints on her website: Elizabeth Hyland webbiste

Elizabeth, with her example and her work, is changing the lives of many.

And people with purpose & passion inspire me to do the same…thank you..

MIDLIFE, MILES AND MIRACLES

This is a story about a midlife crisis that resulted in internal and external miracles…and the many miles that were traveled along the way.

Midlife crisis is usually joked about as the time when people buy the fancy sports and find a young, good-looking person to ride in it. But even if you don’t approach this time in that way, midlife is certainly a time to reexamine your life, make some big changes and perhaps go in a different direction.

This is the story about how one woman is doing that & is inspiring others to create their own “new journey”.

The Inner Journey

About three years ago, Soulo Entrepreneurs member, Tamela Rich came to me to help her deal with the loss of her business and to help her find a new career direction. Tamela did a lot of inner work to connect with what she really wanted to do. She had long loved to write but had, like many of us, not seen using her talent as a viable business. But as she connected with her passion, her energy returned and doors began to open for her.

She created a successful business writing for financial markets. And after having dealt with her own crisis, she decided to write about the trade offs everyone must make in life. With the financial meltdown still playing out, she’s researching the book by talking to financial traders across the country about their trade offs  – personally and professionally.

She also wanted to have some fun, live a dream, and make a difference…All great midlife goals

So next week, she will start riding across the country to conduct her research, not in a shiny sports car, but on a shiny new motorcycle. Along the way she’ll be raising money for The National Breast Cancer Foundation.

The Outer Journey

Of course, there were a few obstacles to realizing her dream. Minor ones like she had never ridden a motorcycle.

She had little money of her own, didn’t know many people around the country, and a few other “minor”  challenges.

Oh yeah, and she didn’t have a motorcycle or the means to buy on

And some people who asked her,  “What are you thinking? “ and other discouraging remarks.

The Dream

But she had a dream and out of that dream has come some miracles –like the new BMW motorcycle and the dozens of “little” sponsorships from friends. strangers and businesses across the country. In the spirit of “If you build it, they will come,” her dream is coming tru

Biker Babe

And on June 26, she will start her “outward journey” with lots of support. plenty of contacts, a book contract and a new bike. In the process, she has inspired all of us to reconnect with our passions and find a way to make a difference in the world…especially our own.

Tamela gives a new meaning to “You Rock, Biker Babe!

You can follow Tamela’s travels on  Roadtrip.TamelaRich.com

Next Page »